I generally limit sad/depressing/negative posts on this blog.
Mostly because I feel the world is saturated with enough of those.

Late Fall of 2010 was the start of a 6 month period where I averaged a death of someone close to me every two weeks.
Family, extended family, mentors, kids I've mentored, & co-workers.
All people that made a meaningful impact to my life & helped shaped me into the person I am today.

I mention this because I feel I might be in the middle of another time period like that presently.
Whether it's disease, accidental, something that could've been prevented, or even outright stupidity.
It still, for lack of better description, sucks to deal with.

The adversity has made me a stronger person.
I've learned to focus on the good memories & to make sure that I provide an outlet for all of the emotions that hit me.
Quick thanks to prose, music & fried chicken..

I just find myself frustrated at the moment.
Frustrated that I can't afford to head up the funeral this weekend.Frustrated at how I actually have a routine when it comes to memorial services.

Frustrated at how pride can be so damaging at times.
Frustrated at law enforcement.
And generally just frustrated that so many good souls have been taken.
The majority of them were just starting to hit their prime.

So yea, this is pretty much a stream of consciousness post.
If there's a point to this post, it's that I sincerely hope that the people I've become close with over the years please refrain from dying anytime soon.
Otherwise I'd have to resurrect you just so I can kill you for causing sorrow to your loved ones.
It'd be inconvenient really.
Be more considerate of others.

Whether the end of a relationship or the end of a person's time on this planet, this song will always resonate with me.



R.I.P. Joe
One of the good souls.

For now, I keep my thoughts & pain to myself as I adjust to the news.
While I am a veteran of losing people close to me, any prodding into my thoughts at the moment will only lead to rage.
I will note that I have one more reason to dislike law enforcement officials.

Selfish

I am absurdly selfish.
If only because I want you.

I want you to know that you have an amazing ass and it's a shame you have to sit on it.
I want to admire your insides like it's the Vatican.
I want to say "hi" to whatever it is that's hiding behind your zipper.
I want to spend your next day off getting you off.
I want to start by passionately kissing your lips and then move up to your belly button.
I want to put my thingy into your thingy.
I want to spit in your cave.
I want to attempt pregnancy with you and fail repeatedly.
I want you to go down on me like gravity.
I want to make a mess in your mouth.
I want you to know my motives go beyond the physical.

I want to thank whatever motivated two people to become horny and produce you.
I want a pet penguin.

I want to know the name of this land-locked diety before me.
I want to get your number so I can send you random text messages.
"random"
send.
I want you to know that I have a playful personality.

I want the only problem my eye to ever face is you stuck in it.
I want to pick up a GPS device so I can be okay when I get lost in your eyes.
I want to know if Google Maps has directions to your heart.
I want to be a well of never-ending happiness that you can draw upon.
I want you to be the woman that's the beginning & the end for each chapter of my remaining life.

I want good things to happen to good people like you.

If anything... this is my hand.
I want it to shake yours and get to know you better.

Because I'm selfish.

you made me cry.
you made me laugh.
you made me cry.
you fostered my love for the NFL.
you taught me the finer nuances of fried chicken.

R.I.P. Uncle Harry.

you made me cry.
you will be missed.

You & I

You have teeth.
You are of legal age in the state of California.
You were genetically born a female.
You can appreciate & understand my sense of humor.

You are pretty... like REALLY pretty.
You are like a bad case of steph throat...
You leave me almost speechless.

You are the 99% that occupies my thoughts.
You are the reason I put pen to paper.

You should have a disease named after you because your smile is infectious.
You make me want to be the main reason for that smile.

You are making some divine power hate itself for letting you go.
You make me say/think silly things.

You are better than the woman of my dreams.
You are real.

You make me want to put my arms around you...
so I can feel how big my universe is.

You must be the new flavor of oxygen.
I want to breathe you in & make you a constant part of my life.

You make a guy that friends claim has the "gift of the gab" completely tongue-tied around you.
I am content with sitting next to you.

We should do more than that though.
We should be acting on this mutual interest that everyone else sees.
We should be treating each other to a love that we both deserve.
We should be best friends.
We should be partners in crime.
We should be fighting over what to watch first on the DVR.
We should be sharing experiences together.
We should be finding that each new moment together is THE highlight of our life.

We should be working on a one life stand.
We should...
We should just end this poem and get started on that.

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Semi-rough cut.
I kinda want to add a couple more You & I segments, but I feel like this gets the job done as a companion piece to I & You.

Questions? Comments?
There's a lil' hyperlink at the bottom of each post that you can use to leave your thoughts.

Plan is to start posting at least one piece a month.
Will this finally be the time my expectations finally meet up with reality?
Who knows?
Stay tuned folks.

I & You

I have skydived.

I have bungee jumped.

I have tried a deep fried stick of butter.

I am a survivor of rush hour traffic in LA & Manilla.

I survived growing up a middle child.

I have even survived an attempt on my life after telling a woman:
"Yes. Those pants do make your ass look big."

I have performed on Broadway, Carnegie Hall, & the Sydney Opera House.

All to standing ovations.

I have seen my writings published, translated into different languages, & used to change lives for the better.

I have received a Nobel Peace Prize.

I set it on the shelf alongside my Pulitzer, Grammy, & Tony award.

I average a quadruple double whenever I step onto the basketball court.

I bat a perfect 1.000
I am the definition of a shutdown corner.

I am the attention grabber that Superbowl commercials aspire to be.

I hate Eli Manning.

I am not related to the most interesting man in the world.

I am the Top Iron Chef.

I am a James Beard recipient.

I have managed to keep my major sweet tooth in check & avoid diabetes.

I taught penguins how to surf.

I taught Corgis how to hack computers.

I don't have allergies.

One would hear about all these accolades & accomplishments & think that I've lead a happy, complete, fulfilled life.

One would be wrong.

Because all of these things pale in comparison with this simple fact:
You are not a part of my life.

We should change that.

--------------------------------------

I've been wanting to expand on this.

Start writing more about "You".

But I really like the way I end this piece.

What do you think?

I'm edging closer towards 400 posts here.
Should that mean anything to me?
Nope.
I'm pretty confident I went over that threshold awhile back.
I've gone through an' cleaned house here a few times.

So yea!
I feel like I should be posting here more often.
Problem is, I always end up in the dreaded editing process.
Which is more or less the result of my writing process.
I tend to be segmented in my writing.

Huh?

Because of my mind's tendency to be active, I tend to get hit by multiple topics at the same time from one inspiration.

Take out my notebook, jot the ideas down, hope that I can remember my line(s) of thought when I can actually sit down to write.

Let me attempt to illustrate an example by showing you one of the pieces I've been working on:

Foolish (Tentative Title)

I look at you.

Then you look at me.

An awkward silence falls.

Will this finally be the day

That we go and say what we feel?

One can only hope that it's so.

You'd think that after so long

We'd finally get it right

From one fool to another

What are we doing here?

Do you think we're living happy

In a different lifetime?

I think of you day and night

When I'm with you it all feels right

I can only hope that you feel the same as I do.

Regrets are luxurious

Of those I am rich.

--------------------------

In theory, you can grasp the general feel that I'm aiming towards with this piece.
At this point, I see it as a club sandwich.
Got the bread and the trimmings, but I've only got one layer of meat.

Fool to fool.
That's the thought that had me start writing this piece.

You know the types: two people that seem great for each other but never do anything about it.
So I started with that line/stanza/verse an' have been building around it ever since.
Sporadically.

Again, I tend to get hit by many ideas/inspirations so I tend to lose focus because of all the different projects/pieces I have going.
Generally, I'll go through my works in progress, say "oh! that's nice.", then add one more segment to it.
I'll also have a tendency to come up with something I consider a gem.

Such as the last part of this particular piece.

It may/may not have been inspired by the original thought of the piece.
I find that I want to use it though.
So I'll put in extra time trying to integrate it in a way that makes it natural.

That last quirk of mine is usually why I spend so much time editing.
Just for funsies, look back on my previous posts an' try to spot the "gems" that took time away from life.

I hope you enjoyed that brief look into my writing process.
I say(type?) this alot but, my apologies for the inconsistent postings and thank you for your time.

Things I've neglected to post over the past few months:

- Happy Diabetes Awareness (Halloween)

- Happy Potentially Awkward Dinner Conversations with Native Americans Day (Thanksgiving)

- Merry Papercut Awareness Time (Christmas)

- Anecdotes/stories

- New pieces

- Progress on life's work(s)

One of these days I'll get around to it.

Here's to hoping your transition to 2012 has been goin' well.

For the peeps setting New Year's resolutions beyond "be magical":

Don't dwell from the past and don't ignore it.
Learn from it.

Don't avoid the future or focus entirely on it.

Plan for it.
Most important thing: BE in the present.

That's where the memories/moments happen.
They need to be enjoyed.